I'm still missing you, like the storm misses the rain

2012-02-11T20:28:00.004+08:00

Do you know how it feels when you're practically struggling just to memorize a few verses of short surahs when the others around you are breezing through it? I felt that feeling, that unknown feeling. It just struck me and got me thinking, why? Why can't i? Is my heart not at ease? Did i do something wrong that god is trying to punish me in this way? I touched my heart and questioned my sincerity. "But I AM SINCERE!", my heart screamed.That's when i could feel fat tears dying to come out but my eyes swallowed them back. "I can't cry, i MUST try" i keep those words in my mind but i could feel my vision blurred, and my cheeks hot. I felt useless, like a bad muslim. This feeling i felt back in the afternoon slapped me hard. This is a sign. I need guidance in this life of mine. I need to be able to get through this. Just something simple like this could bring me down to the very core. I'm one helpless soul. Truly dissapointed with myself.

Can't type anymore, i'll stop here.

now entering: holiday mood

2012-02-08T21:08:00.011+08:00

Year 2 sem 2 highlights: The familiar faces that i will miss so much...

those outings i never had with any other semester classes..

also, dear natasha torresxxxx(busride buddy)

Not forgetting, how BORED i was in every lesson... depressed ah beb. tros jadi gini ah.

oh and yes. up till today i still have no idea why we wanted to be gangsters so much...

But for sure, they will be in my heart always.

Emo lah pulak. Haih.

I have to face reality now. Life as a hardcore mugger starts today, no matter how depressing that sounds. Such a downer, but i don't really care actually. I just want my internship to be done ASAP, grab all my earnings(jakonism strikes, i tak pernah kerja you!) and start spending cautiously and handle em' kachings like a responsible adult. I want to make sure that this path i'm about to take will teach me some life skills. Time to start growing up dan jadi seorang wanita yang....berwibawa.

SO,

HI THERE 3RD YEAR. Bring it ON. Gua tak takot ah. Meh sini, meh!!

2012-02-07T18:35:00.002+08:00

"It's the most maddening, beautiful, magical, horrible, painful, wonderful, joyous thing in the world: love"

2012-01-31T21:17:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, bro received the long awaited text which carries an important message to inform him which poly he's posted to, and yes as expected he got his first choice which is psychology. I've been trying to put myself in his shoes since yesterday, trying to feel how its like to obtain such achievement. He must be damn right satisfied with his life now. Every single thing is going smoothly for him, falling in place and he's living the life. It rocks to be him now uh seriously. I am proud of him. And i could foresee that my sister would be someone that i'll be proud of too, someday. While me.. i don't know. Ha.

I feel so pressured.

2012-01-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

Today's a great day, really.

2012-01-19T22:19:00.004+08:00

I'm like a fragile glass. Once you hit it hard on the wall, it will shatter into a million pieces. Okay you won't see the link with what i'm about to say now but...i can't seem to handle my feelings this past few days of my life? Every single thing around me feels like competition. Every second of my day was spent being pressurized and worrying about things that should not even cross my mind, what more stay in it. I will miss my classmates once this term is over, and heck yes this is my first time saying something like this. I've never had this feeling on any other classes previously, but it's different now. Probably its because i've found some company who will laugh together with me at my stupidity and not judge me cause they know we're of the same species, in the same cage, you know? Haha! What a way to describe how glad i am. ANYWAY! It's a tad too late to say this but I'M 18 now!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay! 7 more years and we will be able to get married daus!! *does the happy dance*

blahhh, bye!

2012-01-09T20:49:00.002+08:00

I'm very happy for my brother. Which reminds me yet again, I'm the stupid one in the family. As usual. What's new.. If i can't make my parents proud, atleast i know my brother did. And i'm thankful enough. My mom must have been the happiest mother alive, today. I will never forget what i feel this very moment. Thank you Allah.
9/1/2012

2012-01-08T20:14:00.004+08:00

4 more weeks to joy. And what i want to do badly now is to visit the ship of love(according to me), which is the famous titanic over at MBS. I really really want to go the exhibition and just see what's in it. The movie is not enough, as a fan of titanic one must climb aboard and explore the insides and contents of the ship itself to know how it feels to be Rose. Maybe daus could go with me and we could play pretend and he could be Jack. Tee hee! I MUST GO THIS EXHIBITION NO MATTER WHAT, i'm so angry right now. I must i must i must.

2012-01-04T21:00:00.001+08:00

-on replay

In conclusion,

ALL IS GOOD.

2012-01-02T20:17:00.001+08:00

Someday, we’ll run into each other again, I know it. Maybe I’ll be older and smarter and just plain better. If that happens, that’s when I’ll deserve you. But now, at this moment, you can’t hook your boat to mine, because I’m liable to sink us both.
— Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin

1/1/2012

2012-01-01T15:41:00.003+08:00

Not going to walk down the memory lane and be all sad & attritional, but i'm just glad i'm past 2011 and here we are, in 2012. 2011 was fair enough, what is life without ups and downs. i don't want to be a better person this time. I just want to be a BETTER SYAHIRAH even if that means being better by 0.01% . Just like anybody else, i've lost and i've gained. Mistakes and memories were made and i believe that's how i grow. Grow and still remain the same, or grow to be better;-it doesnt matter. Let's never speak of 2011 again. So 2012, surprise me will you.
Happy new year, all.

love,
18 year old syahirah

2011-12-25T16:49:00.003+08:00

I was 15 when i fell hard in love.
Young and naive, love was everything to me.
Little did i know love was a pathway to hell.

It's painful and nothing else. Just heartbreaks and tears.

2011-12-16T20:43:00.002+08:00

will be flying of to my honeyfamilyof5moon(hehehe) on monday to beautiful bali! Finally it's my turn because it seems like most of my friends have been there. That one thing i'm looking forward to is to dine by the beach, i heard there's this famous restaurant and imagine if you eat dinner there during sunset it will be the most beautiful romantic experience ever. Romantic's not the best way to describe this but it doesnt hurt to have an imaginary daus there, sittting opposite me eating bali food by the beach and sunset right? Hmmm..what else. Oh yes, the rice terrace and all...those normal-normal places of interest tourist go to at bali. I just hope any of the intern company wont call during my stay at bali, really. That's all. I only have one worry hahaha. i should start packing already!

2011-12-13T13:27:00.003+08:00

I have a very annoying obsession. An obsession that will make you feel like coming up to me and shake the crap out of my soul to wake me up from this bubble of mine and bring me back to reality. ha ha.

"This, i promise you..."

2011-12-11T18:17:00.009+08:00

Blessed to have my saturday filled with eternal love and happiness. Congrats once again kak ella and abg fai! xxxxxx very happy for both of you (':

P.S Hi mom, can i just get married already???????!!! grr.

2011-12-08T22:13:00.002+08:00

best lah dorang semua!! sayang<3

2011-12-04T00:09:00.001+08:00

It has been one hell of a crazy roller coaster ride but he's always there no matter what.

2011-12-03T00:11:00.001+08:00

Not good enough.

2011-11-28T10:53:00.009+08:00

"Love is old,

Love is new,

Love is all,

Love is you."

-The Beatles

2011-11-25T20:43:00.007+08:00

I've been listening to adele everywhere i go. I don't know why it makes me addicted but what i know is that her voice is made out of real talent and obviously, she is musically gifted. They're nothing near to autotuned voices that are so common in this era. i can't relate myself to most of her songs but somehow i feel her. Every single time i could create little bubbles in my head about the story that lies behind her lyrics. I think she's beautiful in every single way. Well, i don't know her but i bet she is. Inspired mode- ON.

2011-11-24T21:39:00.003+08:00

I'm really looking forward to this saturday bcos my cousin is getting hitched! And i have not yet met her husband-to-be(it's a long story) so i'm kindda thrilled and physched to see who's that mystery guy who has stolen my cousin's heart. I'm not really close to her and we rarely see each other, what more TALK but i'm truely happy for her with all my heart. I don't know man, i'm excited and i can't wait to see everything on saturday. InsyaAllah i hope everything will flow on smoothly and i hope there'll be no hiccups and whatnot. I hope i could help a little too, though i bet there'll already be kendarat on the day itself. Most importantly, it's the bonding between families that counts during this kind of joyous ocassion. I'll see how it goes. Weeeeehee!!

2011-11-20T13:01:00.000+08:00

Sail me away and don't bring me back.

2011-11-18T12:07:00.002+08:00

Had a quick meet up with raudhah yesterday over @ 18 chefs. Ordered our usuals and did some catching up. Feels so good to see a familiar face after so long. We met my mum outside 18 chefs

and mama thinks raudhah is motherly. Aww:) Couldnt agree more, she definitely is! I'll make her my second mama. HEHE.

2011-11-16T22:00:00.002+08:00

Having long winding bus rides isnt something that i enjoy anymore. I dread going to school, i've never liked the idea of waking up as early as 5.45pm. That's definitely one of the minus point of having your college miles away from home. Now i know why i despise bus 168 so much. That's cos whenever i'm in it, it means that i'm on my way to school and 35 minutes is long enough for me to have deep negative thoughts about things. Overthinking, to be precised. Really, it's depressing and so hard to avoid. It just keeps coming.

2011-11-15T09:22:00.006+08:00

: this is my annoying face and my new baby. Say hello!

I've finally found the ONE. You know how it feels? relieved. I'm going to call her NONA cos' i think she's sporty, yet anggun and elegant. And pretty. If only she could read all this, confirm blushing already. I'm in love and i'm looking forward to many adventures with it. And go through thick and thin times together. Forever & always. Okay dah cukup. Bye!

2011-11-10T22:04:00.005+08:00

If only happiness could spread like an uncurable disease. Everybody would be so happy, no sadness, no anger, just contentment in our lives that lasts forever. But then again.... the presence of feelings in our soul makes us human. We do bleed-sometimes, all the time. A never ending vicious cycle.

school's cool

2011-11-09T21:11:00.010+08:00

Sums up what i did on a gloomy tuesday.

2011-11-07T21:11:00.002+08:00

I hate the fact that i got myself too indulged and engaged in something that doesnt even know my existence till i forget the people who longed for my presence- that one person whom i owe an apology. Firdaus bin Ishak, i am truly sorry. You're still the one who rocks my world. Always.

2011-11-05T17:57:00.004+08:00

He told everybody on sunday that this song is specially composed and dedicated to his soulmate, if he has ever found the one. Such a meaningful song, very romantic.

xxx

2011-11-05T17:08:00.002+08:00

selamat hari raya aidhiladha to all! can't wait to eat masjid's nasi briyani tmrw! TEEHEE.

2011-11-02T22:43:00.002+08:00

God can take your life away any time, unexpectedly.

May Allah bless her soul and may she rest in peace.
Al-Fateha.

disturbed

2011-11-01T15:39:00.008+08:00

I just came across some blogs managed by a few msian bloggers, and oh my. You don't how impressed i am with their lives. (So ni lah apa yang aku buat kat sekolah hari ni ye kalian semue, iaitu bloghoppingz.)It's like they're leading their very own movie and they are the main superstar in the story, all those glitz and blitz. They travel around the world, see places, dine everywhere and eat nice-looking fine food and take pictures with their awesome cameras that produce high quality images that just wows me, wear nice perfect colour co-ordinated clothes and best of all, they are married and they go everywhere with their husbands. Perfect combo isnt it? It seems so perfect and it's real, not some fantasy crap that you always see in movies. But really, i'm still amazed. How could one's life be so ideal? And how can i almost forget, the language they use in their blogs has that special writing rhythm. It felt like i was reading a book, about their life. Such mad mad inspiring, beautiful human beings they are. I feel so dwarf now.

Cukup sudahlah mari kita stop berbual pasal bende depressing ni. SO besides that, i did something else to make MY life slightly more interesting(for now). I played with the virtual make up at some website(secret) MUAHAHAHA. there's so many things to choose from starting from your make up base, and all the other make up essentials that one must have on their face. And when you 'apply' it, it looks almost real and natural. Dapat jugak feeling macam a make-up pro. You can even put the make up on your face, just upload a photo of yourself dah solek solek semer pastu boleh save abeh letak as dp pat fb. hehe. it's damn fun, kalau nak main main with this website jugak, sila cari sendiri ye. Kalau taknak takpe, bye.

Is this a pass? This is my 'soft, subtle' kind of look. No? IT'S A PASS, i think she's looking great up there ok.

k lah, i'm not evil ok. Here's the website:

http://tzclients.taaz.com/topshop/topshop.html

Okay i'm done with this. Bye!

2011-10-31T22:06:00.004+08:00

Truth is, i'm still not over Taufik and i just need to blog about it. I thought i have calmed down a bit a few years ago but boyyyy, i was wrong. The fan-girl syndrome has returned, and it gets worse and worse each second. Firstly, not only that i couldnt believe the fact that i laid my eyes on him for real, for the first time ever in my life YESTERDAY after how many years gugu gaga-ing over him. I feel like a hopeless romantic when his eyes met mine and at that point of time i really lived up to the meaning of the word 'hopeless'. He doesn't even know i exist you know? Hopeless lah gitu. That's sad, but what to do HA HA HA. I'm me and he's him. WAKE UP SYAHIRAH, tolong. The way he sings- ok it's just crazy. I just turned mental when he sang yesterday. His voice....... & subcontiously i scratched my poor friend beside me who had to tahan all this. I shouted, i kicked the chair, i whacked her hand, i vibrated, i screeched. Sorry izzah. I guess that happens when you have too much to handle, like the feeling of excitement rushing everywhere in my veins. And when he sings.... it's like i know that i actually have a life. Do you understand me? There's a light in my life. Oh my god... You don't know how yesterday means a lot to me. Really.

so there. My pointless fangirl rambling. Sad, but true. Sigh.
I'm sorry daus. Please don't be mad at me.

Six ways to earn even after death

2011-10-30T12:04:00.002+08:00

Give a copy of quran to someone. Each time one reads from it, you gain.

Donate a wheelchair to a hospital. Each time sick person uses it, you gain.

Participate in building a masjid.

Place watercooler in a public place. (If you have the money, why not? It's possible!)

Plant a tree. You gain whenever a person or animal sits in its shade or eats from it.

And the easiest of all, share this message with people. Even 1 applies any of the above, you gain.

Source:honeykoyuki.bs

2011-10-25T14:59:00.002+08:00

Sooooo, depavali is tomorrow. It's either i chill at home and glue my butt to the bed with a book in my hand, shop with cousins, shop by myself(#foreveralone), or meet F. I can't decide. Everything depends on everything actually. I don't know.
why dont you pick?
HAAAAAA, kidding.

2011-10-23T20:58:00.002+08:00

Monday.blues.ughnk!

I hereby declare that i really need a new camera in my life. I believe that a camera plays an important part in relation to my memories, which is capturing them. I need a new one, a GOOD one to be precised. I'm still searching............... why like so hard ah to find a good one with an affordable price? Or maybe i'm just cerewet. But its okay this kind of things need time and a lot of research, yes? I need to evaluate & compare and then observe the overall. Does its qualities match up to my wants and needs and expectations, is it really suitable for me, IS IT PINK IN COLOUR(hahaha), Does it feel good in my hands, does it........(list goes on and on)
Right, i sound like i'm searching for a future husband now. MUAHAHAHA. I'm done.

WISH ME LUCK!

2011-10-17T20:40:00.004+08:00

My current addiction; this:

And the best part is? This series made quite an impact on me. It motivates me to complete everything beforehand first before glueing my butt infront of the television at 7pm. Before watching, the things i need to prepare for school must all be ready and set so that i won't have to worry about it anymore when i'm done watching. It's an important point i make every monday to thursday, without fail and it's a habit now. Gila kan? I've turned into a freak. An organized freak. Haih, kalau drama nyer pasal , macam gitu lah jadi nyer! AND HEHEHE, ofcourse! Please look below. He's one of the reasons that makes me look forward to the series every single day. I guess i have this thing for msian male celebraties? Well, only some ;) we can never find this kind of good looks in SG's drama industries lah, sadly. Semue pat malaysia!

I'm done expressing whatever's inside me for now. Hahaha.

BRB, MELTING.

2011-10-17T17:10:00.002+08:00

No monday blues today. HAHAHA. B'cos i didnt attend school! woke up late and figured out that going over to the docs for mc is more worth it than rushing to school and ending up not getting a desirable grade. whatever for, right? Oh and yes i had mcspizzzy just now and it was so syiok and addictive but currently i aint even enjoying its aftermath because my stomach is kinda in pain right now. It's like someone poking a needle and having warm water all inside. But hey hey i've prepared myself mentally for the worse to happen because most humans experience pain after devouring that killer burger. Sooo as unlucky as that sounds, i'm one of them. Mbekk.

I hope sch will be fine tomorrow. Can't wait to hand izzah & erfa their presents!!

2011-10-13T20:42:00.003+08:00

Everybody know tomorrow's friday. Everybody's going out, going here going there going to meet their bbygs, their bbycakes, their bbygirls, their bby, their b, their babi...... hahahaha and so on and on....
BUT ME? I'm going to rush home and wait for 9pm to come. Because 9pm=excitement=anticapation=remy ishak=TAHAJJUD CINTA SMCSJNFDNVKSDSGNSDGNVS. I've been waiting for tmrw to come since forever. And finally, it's near. In less than 24 hours time, baby. Ohmygod!!!!! fangirl_93

2011-10-02T15:50:00.001+08:00

REALITY.

You're not a girl if you're not a fan of shopping

2011-09-27T23:11:00.016+08:00

A well-spent monday!

2011-09-26T20:47:00.000+08:00

"Aku mencintaimu kerana agama yang ada padamu, jika hilang agama padamu, maka hilanglah cintaku terhadapmu "

quoted from veiled-heroine.bs

when my heart really speaks

2011-09-24T19:40:00.006+08:00

As long as we know what we're doing and abstain ourself from falling into the traps of syaitan
As long as we set our niat right, and not be influenced by our evil heart desires
As long as we do activities in public with crowds, and not somewhere deserted and quiet
As long as our parents are aware of it, and not keeping it as a deep secret
As long as my ummi allows, and not forbid me from doing so
As long as we have our very own future plans, and not fool around with each other
As long as we know the reason behind this love, and not because of infatuation

As long as I know what i feel is true, and i know everything is going to be alright.

I'll leave everything else to Allah s.w.t & His decision.
Allah is the only one who can judge me.

2011-09-22T21:24:00.002+08:00

Nobody's perfect.
They're all less than perfect. And i'm not even close to that. I'm a mess.

You know what i did this raya

2011-09-21T14:33:00.019+08:00

PHOTO SPAMMING TIME! Hari raya macam dah over, this sums up my raya basically. An ocassion filled with families & friends & forgiveness(chey). That's what raya is supposed to be about, right? Not forgetting sedap lagi berlemak foodies! Yumm.

First day of syawal:

This is how they show their affection towards one another:

Next up, my house opened my house for open house (hehehehe tounge twister!!).
OK in simpler words, there was an open house over at my crib for families and extended families!

With my adilah & kakak ros!

Kalau tak jalan dengan kawan-kawan tak sah tau! Raya with the girls and dawgs:

The sopan santun pose. alahai!

SIAPA BILANG GADIS MELAYU TAK MENAWAN?!! Tak menarik hati!!!Tiada memikat?!!!

LASTLY!! Jalan raya with 6H! But only five of us came but it was still fun nevertheless!

awww...all so big already hor?

baby.

EHEM, pardon my tak perlu captions i just felt the need to write them. EHEHEH.

So in all, my raya was a sederhana one but definitely memorable. I'll keep those memories in my heart and they shall remain there forever. InsyaAllah! May god bless us all.

2011-09-20T21:44:00.002+08:00

i really feel like updating but i'm really sleepayye at the same time. But i'm in the mood to type, you see. I'm having the momentum but i could forsee that whatever that's in my head right now would be gone in a moment because really, my eyes are on its way to lalalalala land. I love everybody, doesnt matter if you don't love me i'll still love you okay. Ok i'm out of here, burrrbyee. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

A deep eye-opener article that everyone will be able to relate to.

2011-09-12T17:11:00.002+08:00

No one likes to fall. And few people would ever choose to drown. But in struggling through the ocean of this life, sometimes it’s so hard not to let the world in. Sometimes the ocean does enter us. The dunya does seep into our hearts.

And like the water that breaks the boat, when dunya enters, it shatters our heart. It shatters the boat. Recently, I was reminded of what a broken boat looks like, of what happens when you let everything in. I was reminded because I saw someone, just like me, fall in love too much with this life and seek to be filled by the creation. So the ocean of dunya shattered her boat, as it had shattered mine, and she fell out into the water. But she stayed down too long, and didn’t know how to come back up or what to hold on to.

So she drowned.

If you allow dunya to own your heart, like the ocean that owns the boat, it will take over. You will sink down to the depths of the sea. You will touch the ocean floor. And you will feel as though you were at your lowest point. Entrapped by your sins and the love of this life, you will feel broken. Surrounded by darkness. That’s the amazing thing about the floor of the ocean. No light reaches it.

But, this dark place is not the end. Remember that the darkness of night precedes the dawn. And as long as your heart still beats, this is not the death of it. You don’t have to die here. Sometimes, the ocean floor is only a stop on the journey. And it is when you are at this lowest point, that you are faced with a choice. You can stay there at the bottom, until you drown. Or you can gather pearls and rise back up—stronger from the swim, and richer from the jewels.

If you seek Him, God can raise you up, and replace the darkness of the ocean, with the light of His sun. He can transform what was once your greatest weakness into your greatest strength, and a means of growth, purification and redemption. Know that transformation sometimes begins with a fall. So never curse the fall. The ground is where humility lives. Take it. Learn it. Breathe it in. And then come back stronger, humbler and more aware of your need for Him. Come back having seen your own nothingness and His greatness. Know that if you have seen that Reality, you have seen much. For the one who is truly deceived is the one who sees his own self—but not Him. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed his own desperate need for God. Reliant on his own means, he forgets that the means, his own soul, and everything else in existence are His creation.

Seek God to bring you back up, for when He does, He will rebuild your ship. The heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. Know that only He can do this. Seek Him.

And when He saves you, beg forgiveness for the fall, feel remorse over it—but not despair.

As Ibn ul Qayyim (ra) has said: “Satan rejoiced when Adam (peace be upon him) came out of Paradise, but he did not know that when a diver sinks into the sea, he collects pearls and then rises again.”

There is a powerful and amazing thing about tawbah (repentance) and turning back to Allah (swt). We are told that it is a polish for the heart. What’s amazing about a polish is that it doesn’t just clean. It makes the object that is polished even shinier than it was before it got dirty. If you come back to God, seek His forgiveness, and refocus your life and heart on Him, you have the potential to be even richer than if you’d never fallen at all. Sometimes falling and coming back up gives you wisdom and humility that you may never otherwise have had. Ibn ul Qayyim (ra) writes:

“One of the Salaf (Pious Predecessors) said: “Indeed a servant commits a sin by which he enters Paradise; and another does a good deed by which he enters the Fire.” It was asked: How is that? So he replied: “The one who committed the sin, constantly thinks about it; which causes him to fear it, regret it, weep over it and feel ashamed in front of his Lord—the Most High—due to it. He stands before Allah, broken-hearted and with his head lowered in humility. So this sin is more beneficial to him than doing many acts of obedience, since it caused him to have humility and humbleness—which leads to the servant’s happiness and success—to the extent that this sin becomes the cause for him entering Paradise. As for the doer of good, then he does not consider this good a favor from his Lord upon him. Rather, he becomes arrogant and amazed with himself, saying: I have achieved such and such, and such and such. So this further increases him in self-adulation, pride and arrogance—such that this becomes the cause for his destruction.”

Allah (swt) reminds us in the Qur’an to never lose hope. He says:

“Say, ‘O My servants who have transgressed against their souls [by sinning], despair not of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful,’” (39:53).

And so, this is a call to all those who have become enslaved by the tyranny of the self, imprisoned in the dungeon of the nafs (self) and desires. It is a call to all those who have entered the ocean of dunya, who have sunk into its depths, and become trapped by its crushing waves. Rise up. Rise up to the air, to the Real world above the prison of the ocean. Rise up to your freedom. Rise up and come back to life. Leave the death of your soul behind you. Your heart can still live and be stronger and purer than it ever was. Does not the polish of tawbah remake the heart even more beautiful than it was? Remove the veil you have sewn with your sins. Remove the veil between you and Life, between you and Freedom, between you and Light—between you and God. Remove the veil and rise up. Come back to yourself. Come back to where you began. Come back Home. Know that when all the other doors have shut in your face, there is One that is always open. Always. Seek it. Seek Him and He will guide you through the waves of the cruel ocean, into the mercy of the sun.

This world cannot break you—unless you give it permission. And it cannot own you unless you hand it the keys – unless you give it your heart. And so, if you have handed those keys to dunya for a while—take them back. This isn’t the End. You don’t have to die here. Reclaim your heart and place it with its rightful owner: God.

Source: http://aishah-amin-the-hijab-diaries.blogspot.com/2011/08/i-cried-when-i-read-this-piece-by.html

2011-09-09T13:32:00.002+08:00

Dah lama betul saya tak update eh? Okay so, it's already the 2nd coming to 3rd week of raya and i honestly dont feel the raya spirit anymore. That's quite sad actually, i wished my family would go visiting more often BUT no, my parents would just prefer chilling at home or going out doing something completely un-raya like going to eat? Or just some random places in singapore? I'm not angry, i just don't understand why, you know? & i'm definitely not spending my holidays well by doing fun things i promised myself i would do, instead i'm becoming more lost in life. Oh god, save me? I feel like i have no arah tujuan and i seriously feel that it'll be much better to be in school and just do something useful, you know? I'm rotting at home, should i get a job. Ahhh. Nak buat apa ni sekarang? ):

2011-08-27T14:54:00.005+08:00

I have officially activated my holiday mood now. Ok, more like raya mood because i have a long and never ending to-do list ahead of me, which i'm expected to complete before TUESDAY. Kain langsir pun belum tukar tipah oiiiiiiiii. And my mom still insists on making lemon zest cake when there are other things to do! But i like the cake so i tell myself, IT'S OK I WILL HELP HER DO THE CHORES SO SHE CAN DO THE CAKE. Happy holidays!!!!

#Just saying

2011-08-23T22:54:00.006+08:00

Just a few moments ago, i came across this blog managed by this malaysian hijabber. I terbaca one of her entries regarding girls who cover up themselves and wear the hijab. That piece of article is an interesting read i must say, and it very well somehow made me feel guilty. She talked about hijab & fashion this days, that is being potrayed by the young generation, with the different styles on how to belit the tudung, and as you can see now a lot of us has adopted the 'hana tajima' craze of tudung style. I mean, i'm one of them yang suker gila dengan style tu, but my 'suka gila' is setakat try2 berangan2 posing2 dekat rumah buat video tunjuk orang mcmaner nak style hijab dengan rantai lah, bla bla bla. But going out of the house with it.. nah not really. I'm actually not that type of girl yang daring gila pakai that way because that's just NOT ME. I've tried to style it on me once, but like, i don't know lah eh? Tak comfortable. So when i read, she did pointed out that there is a limit to how we hijabbers should dress when we're going out. From what i have realised, how the people in the internet(from lookbook, facebook etc etc) dress up kan, mcm concept berhijab tu dah lari. I mean, back to basics: You put on the hijab to obey Allah swt, to remain modest and prevent yourself from getting attention, right? Not the otherwise. But we seem to have forgotten our main purpose of donning that piece of humble cloths on our head. Pakaian semua makin WOW WOW, not like how it is actually supposed to be. I mean, it's okay you can always jazz up that look of yours while staying modest BUT we always have to remember our main purpose of wearing a hijab and remain on track. ALWAYS. And its perfectly alright to look pleasant and presentable, but we all know all that ada batas-batas nyer, betul? With that drilled in mind, we should always remind ourselves to not be overlydressed till it comes to the point that we might be attracting unwanted attention. Oh im sure you know what i mean. And i admit, sometimes we are to focused on getting the trend that we came across in the internet sampai lupa segala-galanya. Like how we're about to waste money just for that particular piece of clothing yang tengah in season? Apa motive nya? Nak remain fashionable?? Nak ikut2 orang lain? And your hard earn money is gone just like that. sayang kan? I regret so much for being like that, once. That piece of entry is such an eye opener, really. I'm only human but that doesnt stop me from becoming a better muslimah right? InsyaAllah.
Peace!

2011-08-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

I wish i could.

2011-08-19T18:30:00.010+08:00

15th of August marked the last day of sem 1 with year 2 classmates. So how do i feel? Sad? Happy? I DON'T KNOW, i guess i'm used to being separated from familiar faces for a couple of times(this is the thrid time rp is doing this to us), so i guess i'm feeling all neutral about this. That means i have to start all over again; make new friends and blend in with everybody and not forgetting, new foreign modules. Latest update: I'm gonna have alfredo for break fast later! My most favourite thing on earth! My stomach is having a concert now, i can't wait to devour everything later. HEHEHE.

2011-08-18T16:54:00.003+08:00

Today was a semi productive day i must say, because i baked! I BAKED COOKIES! Yippee! and i totally felt like a kid all over again because mum was with me in the kitchen where all the baking process that includes measuring and mixing. But i was there, playing with the mixed dough telling mom about how much i hate lady gaga. I love Adele now, she has the best songs ever. It's impossible for me not to listen to her songs every morning in the bus. Her songs build fire and sparks in my soul and it kinda makes me reach for more. Talk about busses, 168 will not be missed! Eventhough it has done me good by being the only convenient transport available from Tampines to Woodlands, but i always have this depressing sick feeling whenever it passes by me on the road(especially when im on my way to tampines interchange). I'm halfway done with the semester! Except for the fact that i have exams next week. I'm a potential flunker, whatever that means, i think by now i'm mentally prepared. Or maybe not. I still have that glinch of hope that i will pass though. Pray for me!

2011-08-14T18:40:00.004+08:00

Back for awhile. Everything's normal so far, there is nothing that i cant cope with alhamdulillah.(There were a couple of dramatic moments that happened along the way but let's just pretend it didnt happen and everythings was fine and lovely like sugar)SO I wanted to abandon this space forawhile, but i realised that i'm so used to typing down whatever that is on my head to words and it feels almost incomplete not being able to do so just cos i'm on a hiatus. Nobody cares about the hiatus anyway. Pergi hiatus pun like no use, not as if i'm going to study or what kan? Tengok results pon dah macam demoralizing, i don't have the feel to study anymore. But takkan nak give up kot, i'm almost there and i've to give my all. Close eye open eye dah dua minggu kita puasa. Ive continued fasting today after taking 8 days off due to mr monthly. Im so happy to be able to join everybody else and feel hungry and lethargic together gether. I'm not set for raya mood yet, because i dont know why i just dont feel the anticipation anymore. Maybe not yet. Tapi kan, baju dah beli. Haha alright, that's a not needed info. Oh ya, and happy belated birthday singapore. Its just sad that singapore cant hear me wishing her. I bet she'll be very happy if she could read what ive just typed. One thing i really hope now is that whatever im doing right now is going to be worth it. I just want to be happy with my life. Offtopic, i know.

Macam gambar pat bawah ni uh. You probably won't see the link.

But heck ah, this is my space so (Y).
selamat berbuka puasa to all!

2011-08-10T13:27:00.000+08:00

ON HIATUS! will be right back, after exams that is ;>

Just Saying

2011-08-07T21:34:00.002+08:00

'what happens when there's more hatred than love?'

Exactly. I've been asking myself the same question since the day i came across that heart-wrenching yet sensible piece of line. It's just not any question, it's a statement that has a lot of meaning and answers which i don't even know myself. Ironically, i think i felt it way too many times. This soul of mine is so damn right down complicated, not even anything can explain the reason behind anything i do. It's pretty common not to understand yourself in this era. It seems like everybody is on a soul searching mission or maybe i'm just about to enter the- route -to- self-discovery phase of life. I screw up too much, i mean everybody does right? It'll be such a comfort to know that i'm not the only one who has screwed up. Mind you, i screw up almost everything that was along the way. Friendships, relationship, EVERYTHING. How can i not turn into one depressed freak when everything always crumble and fall, right infront of me. I ALWAYS ruin every opportunity i have to make things better. ALWAYS. You know right now, i should seriously go pat my back and congratulate myself for ruining everything and creating my own unhappiness. Padan muka kan? Memang patut pun benda semua jadi macam gini.

So keep on telling me that life goes on. When in the real fact, i'm still stuck in the past since forever. I'm not moving, i'm going nowhere. Great! PERFECT.

2011-08-03T22:32:00.002+08:00

It's time. I need to get preoccupied with something and keep myself busy doing things, those kind of moments where i'll totally forgot that time exists because apparently everybody seems to be busy for everybody. I should be too, right? sigh.

2011-08-01T09:34:00.002+08:00

Have a blessed ramadhan everybody. Remove all hatred, embrace the love around you and collect as many jannah points as you can! There's really no reason not to, because all the setan gondols have been chained up so there's no excuse for us to continue to act like one. HOHO.

love love<3

2011-07-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

I love how the beach looks like at night. I love how pretty and tiny the lighted up boats look all lined in a single row at the outline of the sea itself. The cool sea breeze, the random smell of barbequed chicken plus with the company of girlfriends. Such a perfect saturday! <3

2011-07-16T20:57:00.004+08:00

My mom once told me that it is impossible to change a man. No matter how big your effort is in trying to change one, it will never happen. Dream on & keep on dreaming. No matter how much you tell him that it breaks your heart knowing what he is doing is wrong in your eyes, he WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he does, it would only be in the short run. And then you gotta be prepared to see him changing back to his old roots. Isnt that the same as putting an act and lying at the same time? Isnt that something bad? This makes sense. Hah. But i'm one stubborn daughter. I never give up trying to change one. I'm still pinning up hopes for changes to happen. I've never thought of giving up either. But maybe, just maybe i will... if i found something better.

2011-07-09T19:01:00.012+08:00

Everytime i feel down, reckless and especially when i feel like the world has turned its back on me, i'll remind myself this:

There are so many things to be happy about. I'm blessed with a very loving mother, a joker but strict daddy, two very adorable weird siblings, two extremely cute hamsters, enough food(includes all the junk you can ever think of) to survive everyday, a body that never gains weight(though i complain about it sometimes, but still, i'm thankful), a whole lot of nice books that runs my imagination wild on a lazy afternoon, a pair of legs for me to wonder in my own little magical world, a pair of hands to pull all the sad souls for a warm warm hug, lips to smile, eyes to sparkle(cheychey), a nice shelter to live in and most importantly, the coziest bed in the whole wide world and the list goes on. Yes i am counting my blessings right now. The simple things in life. Not forgetting my few friends that loves me for who i am. I guess i don't need anymore than that, i feel that having a few is enough to blow pink and yellow balloons and paint my life with rainbows. I may forget all these once in awhile in this life but atleast today i made a point to type all this down. Who knows there comes a time when i'll lose all the hope in this world and decided to read through my blog entries and come across this post! Atleast i'll be reminded and this post might be my very own future motivation to get my hopes back.

I have a feeling that i might have to read this again tomorrow.

2011-07-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

cos' we fell for the same name.

2011-07-07T11:55:00.001+08:00

I have respect for those guys who can stick to their girl. Girls are stubborn, irritating, confusing and much more. I don’t know how some of you guys can deal with it. We complain almost everyday about the littlest things. Some guys would get irritated and leave in a heartbeat, I would. I can’t even stand myself.

Sleep can't wait

2011-07-02T21:11:00.011+08:00

Hi! Really outdated pics from caleb's album grabbed frm fb. Company was good i must say but in all, sundown was so tiring that i regretted going BUT during the night it was fun and breezy at bedok resevoir. Cuma the part that i hate most was when they started telling about the murder that happened at bedok resevoir when half of the body was found and the other half was nowhere to be found. Hello? Takut okay... and summore the toilet was miles away from the tent and they are being placed rightsmacked under the trees that i was too scared to go so i held in my pee for idk how many hours! I am a true blue penakut, i must admit. Like what only seh. And towards the end, it was a challenge for me to keep my eyes open when morning comes so i kinda slept while doing my job which is to pour 100 plus for the runners. But luckily, got izza she talked to me about hindustan movies and i told her which are my favourites. We got on talking and talking and i got so excited when she mentioned om shanti om till it made me wide awake! Madness, i tell you... anyhoots, i ended the day with shopping at singapore expo's flea! It was ok ok lah... then i went home and slept.

I feel so stressed when im typing this.

2011-06-29T15:03:00.007+08:00

Another field trip with the classmates, this time round to funan IT mall. As usual, we hung out at macs eating our hearts out rather than spending time to actually complete the task of the day. Slackers mahhh? hehehe. I hate fieldtrips. It's such a waste of time. I didnt learn anything from it. I mean, arent you supposed to be learning something out of fieldtrips?! But i love it too. Because i get to ride the coach with my friends and on loud music and sing along to it. 6 weeks more to endure. And then i'll be a free beech, baby.

2011-06-28T21:39:00.006+08:00

I've yet to post a dozen of things here but due to time constraint and my energy level of my body, i don't think i'll be able to do it all in line. I miss blogging, you know? So long never type down all my nonsensical thoughts into words, so long never post pictures! It might only be a few days of a week but to me it felt like ten years not doing all that! The next exam is next week and i am struggling(as usual, what's new) and i barely have time to daydream. Just kidding. I spent a lot of time daydreaming infact. Good job syahirah, all the best. Selamat maju jaya.

Ni lah muka babs orang yang tengah penat. Poor kid... this girl here needs help doncha think?):

"For the rest of my life, i'll be with you"

2011-06-22T22:19:00.014+08:00

I wish i could rewind back saturday. It was probably one of the best nights in my life. The music, the beat, the lightings-everything was perfect. I couldnt believe my eyes when maher zain entered the stage while singing. It sent chills down my spine. Maher Zain is a good role model to all. I hope i will get a husband like him. OK pretend i didnt say that. But think again... he's so pious and he sings well. Dream on ok syahirah. Whatever it is, i'm still going to continue on dreaming and praying. Who knows my wish might come true? :)

2011-06-18T15:10:00.002+08:00

"Listen Moto Moto. You better treat this lady like a queen because you my friend, you found yourself the perfect women. If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect women I would give her flowers everyday and not just any flowers, okay? Her favorites are orchids, white, and breakfast in bed... six loaves of wheat toast with butter on both sides, no crust. The way she likes it. I'd be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend and I'd spend everyday trying to think of how to make her laugh. She has the most, most amazing laugh. Well that's what I would do if I were you."
-Melman from Madagascar

Can you believe it? These words came out from the mouth of a giraffe. A GIRAFFE. A GIRAFFE.

2011-06-14T15:10:00.002+08:00

I wish i did'nt have feelings.

2011-06-12T21:40:00.000+08:00

Insecurity.
This girl here needs help.

Storm Camp 2011

2011-06-10T13:56:00.009+08:00

I slept on the cold hard floor, ate lousy steamed food and bathe for only 5 minutes.

I SURVIVED CAMP LAH SEH!!!!

Dinner @ Tanjung Pagar Stesen Kereta Api

2011-06-06T20:10:00.008+08:00

Abah said that this railway station is going to close down anytime soon. So he brought us there to make sure we get to see it with our own eyes before it's being demolished. I'm glad i went there because it felt so pahang-penang-ish! HAHA! If you get what i mean. So un-singapore. The food was pleasant and cheap. Well, that was how i spent my saturday :)

2011-06-05T11:11:00.003+08:00

I don't know what kind of soul i've turn into. It was never my intention to hurt anybody and break their heart. I wanted to do what i think it's right. For once, i wanted to change and not turn into my ownself anymore. The indecisive me. But in other's eyes, it's always wrong. The things they say, the words that come out from their mouth tells me that everything i did is wrong. It just reflects the otherwise. What am i supposed to do right now? Follow what they say? Take their words and put it into action? I have my own values. And so far i have never tried sticking to them. But i am trying, right now. And i promised myself, this time round, i would keep my promises. I want to be a person who has a mind of their own. Not someone who falls rightaway the moment others talk. But guess what? It breaks my heart to see myself falling, right at this very moment. It's happening. I could feel it. I'm such a weak person. I'm dropping slowly, upon whatever words that come out from them. I question myself all over again, "Is this the right thing to do?". The feeling of regret keeps coming. Then it will go away. But it keeps coming back, because this is the matters of the heart we are talking about. I have falied to show my love when i thought i did, every single time. In other's eyes, i did not.

I feel like i don't know you. You don't know me. Heck, i don't even know myself anymore.

2011-06-03T20:10:00.012+08:00

Today was such an adventure! Before the holidays, i signed up for this trip to the NewWater centre because i'm seriously desperate for CE points. And there's not much activity for me to do in order to complete the points, so i got myself into this. It was quite a bore and i didnt even pay attention to the tour guide. I pretty much roamed around all by myself going ahead of the pack exploring and discovering new alien machinery objects which really looks foreign and intricate to me. But then the best part of the trip was definitely the lighted up flooring with water beneath which makes the whole place looks like a disco. Super cool technology and i think that's the only thing that wows me. I even took a pic of me and my friend with the flooring! The rest of the tour was more like me being in my own world, wandering around. After that i had a nice lunch over at tongseng. I had my usual favourite fish soup with milk and my vietnamese friend above(her name is HUONG and it's pronounced as 'HENG'.) had seafood soup-one of the things i recommended which i have not even tried. Main hentam je aku. BUT she said it was nice and the ingredients were fresh so i guess i was luckayyy. Even though we were full and felt like we were TWELVE MONTHS(12 tau, not 9) pregnant, we continued to fullfill our cravings for something sweet and ended up at some dessert shop which was just right smacked beside tong seng! Slurped and talked like nobody's business and went out in the sun and walked towards haji lane. Ahh. I love the shops there. The decos are so unique and the shop owners are really welcoming. I mean, they don't have that meanie look just because mentang-mentang their shop looks like high class and the things inside are pricey, over the top kind of prices. They let us touch and feel the things without giving the kind of don't- touch-my-things-if-you-aint-buying- it-you-little- freak kind of stare. After getting excited browsing through and touching those pretty pretty delicate stuffs, we went home feeling happy. And i slept in the bus like a bird.

That's how i spend my friday. Goodnight!

18th

2011-05-26T14:27:00.007+08:00

Yesterday i celebrated Harshni's birthday and i'm really relieved that it went well despite those last minute, unprepared plans and a whole load of discussions through msn. Everyone was there, and it was really a pleasant sight to have one complete group celebrating a joyous ocassion. All i remembered was, i felt really satisfied and overjoyed. To see the birthday girl herself wanting to cry, but trying so damn hard not to. It puts a smile on my face knowing that we've made her happy. The two slices of cakes we bought for the birthday girl turned out to be superb and heavenly, everybody was indulging it like nobody's business! HAH. Is this what having girlfriends around you feels like? Because i felt really complete and loved when i'm with them yesterday. Doesnt matter if i started the day off with a broken heart, because at the end of the day, i knew my heart smiled a little. And they're the reason for it :)

2011-05-24T23:30:00.005+08:00

These few days, had been an interesting one. Slowly, i started to discover little bits of things about myself when all these while i don't even notice i'm like this, or like that. Then i'll be in awe for a minute, stone forawhile and continue on with life. And i begin to wonder, is this the real me? Or this might be the new me. Always smilling, all the time(it's like i spend 3.5/4 of my life smilling from ear to ear?). Always laughing out loud. Always happy. HAHA. Sigh.

A Girl's heart Desire

2011-05-20T15:32:00.003+08:00

Sometimes,
I want to open my hijab,
and show the world,
that I too,
am beautiful in the people's definition.

But,
deep down here,
in my little heart,
I know that beauty is by definition,
a mystery.
and it is forever more rewarding,
to be beautiful in God's eyes.

Sometimes,
I want to wear ruffled dresses and tight jeans,
show off what I really look like,
under those baggy shirts and loosely fitted pants,
make a statement,
that I too,
have a figure and worth looking at.

But,
I know better,
to avoid entering the world of men's imagination,
for I love my future husband,
and I am ashamed,
what should be his, has already been unveiled by others.

Sometimes,
I want to show the world,
the other side of me,
the bubblier, bolder, and crazier me.
put myself on display,
for everyone to see,
to be desired, and admired upon.

But,
I know that eyes are not just eyes,
seeing is not just seeing,
image and respect are gained,
shame and humility deserve a better place,

Because in the end,
it is not just about me,
I carry a lot of impressions and expectations,
of what a Muslim girl should be,

I am covered by the word "Islam" the moment I walk out of my door,
Can't you put behind your heart's desire for something worth fighting for?

Love is all it takes.
Love.

InsyaAllah .
-iluvislam.com

2011-05-18T21:53:00.004+08:00

This week has got to be the most challenging week ever. The fact that UT1 is next week, and i am literally struggling to absorp every single thing into this head of mine, with so little time i doubt i can. My brain feels so fried right now. Have you ever heard of fried brains? It's when your memory space feels like bursting anytime soon alongside with a pumping headache that'll tire you out and eat up all your energy, and then your mind will blow up and it'll make your eyes be heavier that it already is. So in the end, you'll die.

NO LAH!! Har har, can't be that tragic lah please. AND one more thing(this annoys me), would be DISTRACTION from everywhere. I'm actually in the midst of revising right now but i suddenly have this urge to blog. Gatal hands. What kind of perangai is this. I'm gonna stop procrastinating and start my engines now. Bye!

2011-05-15T21:59:00.000+08:00

I will not let history repeat itself.

2011-05-12T14:48:00.000+08:00

4 Happy kiddos in their own make-believe magic school bus.

2011-05-11T21:12:00.004+08:00

Here i am once again, being dissapointed over and over again. Even girls can break each other's heart. Want to know what's the worst part? I don't feel anything anymore. I'm too disheartened, the heart's getting numb day by day. I'm hurt, lost and confused all mixed in one. Great, isnt it. Maybe i deserve this afterall. I'm losing all hopes that i had for us. Oh and guess what? I'm waiting for this one very day to come, the day when i don't give a flying eff anymore.

I'm thankful with the people that are with me right now. I promise, i'm going to treasure every bit of them no matter what happens. Through thick, and thin. Forever.
Goodnight.

2011-05-10T20:32:00.002+08:00

So many things have changed. Clark Quay changed alot, since the last time i went there which was years ago. Believe it or not. Itu pun when i attended my cousin's wedding held at one of the museums there. Today i discovered there were water taxis and it's made for travelling from one point to the other by riding it along the singapore river. The best part is it actually looks like the cabs at new york city. The moment i set my eyes on it, i felt like i was in Madison Avenue where Barneys exists. If only they have Barneys here in SG...........

Three more days to friday. I can survie. I can do this!!

cos you feel like paradise

2011-05-06T20:46:00.010+08:00

This is what people will do in school when they're bored. But NO, this is what we did we got bored of listening to presentations!! Sigh, what a friday. The facilitator was annoying and i tore my favourite mary jane pumps. But i bumped into many people in school today so that kinda makes everything better. Goodnight!

2011-05-02T20:58:00.002+08:00

Seeing other people with their bestgirls by their side makes me happy.
It makes me miss mine even more.

2011-05-01T21:50:00.001+08:00

2011-04-24T17:34:00.003+08:00

I became a lampost today. Despite playing gooseberry, i sure did have loads of fun with the lovebirds. Dined at bbq chicken and had some sweet treats at mccafe later on. Monopoly deal was part of the activity alongside with a plate of cheesecake, cinnamon melts and a huge cup of coke. And i'm happy to say that i won!!!! Only one time that is. But it doesnt matter, because it's the bonding that counts. :)

sisters 4eva
<3

2011-04-21T22:01:00.002+08:00

My holiday mood is officially on! Can't wait to partaayyyyyyyyy!! Hahaha. NOT. I realised my blog has been very dull and lifeless. Is it because of my everyday stories, or rather i feel like something is missing. MAYBE PICTURES? Dang it's been long since i post a photo!! Ok, not thaaaaaat long just a few days but still! But i like it this way, sharing anecdotes rather than one long grandmother nenek cucu stories which i don't think people will read...... sekali not even one person reads this blog!!? :-O but i know that i will always have one faithful reader. Hehehehe. Okay la i feel so shy now. bye((:

2011-04-20T20:16:00.004+08:00

School's cool. So far so good. That excludes the food sold at campus, because the food sucks big time. But i ain't gonna complain so much bout that because like as if anything is going to change! Classmates are pretty fine, everyone is friendly BUT THEN AGAIN i can't assure myself that this will stay the same for 15 weeks. But i'm hoping hard that it will, so atleast i won't dread coming to class everyday. Speaking of school, i have 3 days of formal wear. I need heels desperately! One that is atleast one inch high? I shall have a trip to hush puppies this weekends! But hush puppies shoes looks so boring, don't you think so. They cater more for the older generation. But according to mama, the shoes there are very comfy. So why should i care about the designs because comfort comes first. Nak pakai kasut style-style pon, nak tunjok saper? Correct? Setep macam orang nak tengok aje!! merepek ah.

2011-04-18T21:12:00.002+08:00

When i'm alone, all i do is think. My mind will run wild like a video tape replaying every single thing that i have done. Slowly the things that i've said comes rushing back in this little memory film of mine. Looking at the past, i've sinned. Doesnt matter a big or a small one, the bottom point is; i've sinned. To my parents and to others without me realizing. To myself. And the biggest worry of all, is to Allah. How could i be so oblivious? I told myself it's never too late to become a better person. But really, can i be that one person i've been potraying in the back of my mind? Can i be a good role model to my siblings? Can i be a good friend to my peers? Can i be a good daughter to my parents who brought me to this world? Every girl wants to be a good woman. But i will never be good enough.

2011-04-12T22:01:00.002+08:00

i don't know if i should be happy tomorrow. First up, mama and abah will not be around as they'll be going JB to spend their anniversary. That means the house will be empty when i get back from orientation programme. At most my brother will be at home but he'd probably be sleeping by then. So it's as good as the house being empty. Second, little sissy will be away on a camping trip at bukit timah dairy farm organized by her school. That means she'll be sleeping in a jungle with frogs and mosquitoes while me, i'll be sleeping alone. I hate the idea of sleeping alone because you don't how terrified i am of the supernaturalz. Man, i hate the sound of it. I want to cry. Can you lend me your shoulders? HAR HAR no. Bye.

2011-04-09T10:57:00.004+08:00

So far life's been treating me well and i'm contented with everything. And i finally changed my phone into a touch screen one which i don't really favour cos it's too complicated and the buttons are extremely sensitive but my dad and the salesman kept on insisting that i should get this particular HTC phone. I wanted a less complicated nokia or BB with buttons and normal functions that is somesort of more user friendly, but dad said that i can't keep on living in the past therefore i have to keep up with technology. What to do, i can't go against my dad cause he'll be paying for it. Anyway i'm left with 3 days till school starts. Well not OFFICIALLY, but then i still have to come down to school for the freshmen orientation programme so it's pretty much the same as attending school right? And i still have not yet receive my timetable which drives me crazy because i want to know the names of my new classmates so i could add them up on fb and do some bonding there first. HAHA!! That's what my friends will usually do every new semester. I think that's a good idea though. And i've been drinking koi for the past weeks, almost every week and THIS HAS TO STOP. I CANNOT BE A KOI ADDICT. NO.

2011-04-06T23:56:00.005+08:00

P.S Just a sneak peak of what happened this afternoon. More on facebookie! ;D

Republic Polytechnic Freshman Orientation Group Leader Training Programme 2011

2011-04-02T14:14:00.006+08:00

Here's a few photos i grabbed from facebookie on the training programmes i attended during the last three days. There were so many games to play and so many cheers to memerize within three days but nevertheless it was definitely enjoyable for me. My team was really united and i could feel the team spirit building up everytime especially while coming up with an item for the finale performance on stage which was held later during the night. And i'm proud to announce that Team 1 minute was the champion and with our effort and strong passion for the team and our eyes only on winning, we managed to clinch the first prize!!! I certainly did not regret this whole three days even though it was mad tiring but worth the sweat because i did had a good time with everyone (':

"three cheers and three cheers

and three cheers for 1 minute! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! OHHHHH 1 MINUTE!!!"

2011-03-30T22:10:00.004+08:00

Remember the first time you fell in love during high school? Having all those non-stop hallucinations, smilling-to-your-self moments and talking about that one particular person all the time. And the person who hears all those pointless and endless rants would be your poor bestfriend(a.k.a The Victim) And after hoping and getting high on your feelings and allowing your heart to be smashed up many many times because of your undying love not being reciprocated, you finally get tired and gave up. And at that moment, you realise that you'll just have to lean back and relax and just let nature takes it course. Right, i know how it feels like to like someone who does'nt feel the same way back about you. That feeling is horrendous, it makes you bleed inside. But let's forget about those sad puppy love stories i went through donkey years ago because back then i was still a budak hingus in secondary 2(yup, tell me about it, falling in love with a senior and all that stupid lame stuffs ugh i was so stupid) OK but here's the thing i'm really thankful about. They say teenage love is the most wonderful feeling in the world especially in your life and it'll always be tatooed in your heart, forever. I'm really happy(the most simplest yet meaningful word to decribe the feeling of joy) that i've been there, and it's the longest one. I dare say that this one boy i had that thing with is my very first love. I could categorize him under the 'real first PUPPY love' but i choose not to because i really felt that strong feeling the moment i knew him and.... i have certainly have big plans for the both of us, in the near future. And yes, even though we're not together anymore due to personal reasons which some of the society does not understand, we still do talk to each other like how we used to. The only thing that is slightly different now is we're no longer like how we used to be during high school which pretty much sums up our status now. But what i know now is i cannot go on a day without any communication and pretending that he doesnt exist anymore because it's a really painful process which is too indescribable for words. My feelings never change. I'm in love with him and he's my friend and only that. I tried to be more strict about my feelings which is love we are talking about over here, but i just figured out that i cannot do it. Afterall, i'm only human...

2011-03-29T14:39:00.004+08:00

Just thinking about tomorrow's orientation traning programme makes me tizzy already. I have so many worries, which mainly derives to one question which is "am i going to make a fool out of myself tomorrow." I bet i'd look like one because i just got to know that we will have teach our freshies on how to dance(part of the orientation activity argh so lame). And that brings me to the next point which is:LEARNING THE DANCE STEPS IN TWO DAYS. Ok ok, i like dancing but only in my room infront of the mirror(alright my secret's out) with imaginary audience and OFCOURSE not infront of a big large group of newbies! But nevermind, because to think of it again i'm not going to be the only one. I bet the rest will look equally silly too muahahahaha. Let's push that aside, i'm pretty excited about tomorrow. I cannot wait to find out what they'll make us do during trainings especially when games are involved or maybe there'll be a rehearsal/run through for treasure hunt which means i get to run around and make noises! Sigh sigh sigh i hope the activities tomorrow till friday will tire me out just so that i can atleast feel satisifed with myself. It's been long since i sweat, really can't wait!

2011-03-28T20:51:00.008+08:00

Had a chill-out session with my long time primary school sweetheart, naddy love at coffee bean just now. I love having coffee talks on a cold rainy afternoon, it felt so relaxing and refreshing. And suddenly i feel that time waits for me when in the real fact, time waits for no one. Ugh screw that saying okay. Anywoots, Thank you coffee bean for giving us such cosy ambience!! Before heading home, i ended the day by savouring 2 pieces of fried salmon skin sushi(my favourite) that i've been craving since weeks. Can you imagine... TWO WHOLE WEEKS! I'm a happy bee now that i've fulffiled my weekly cravings. Huhu. I'm actually on a personal project to bring fats to my body. And so, being so rajin i did some research!

#HOW TO GAIN WEIGHT IN A HEALTHY MANNER
•Have meals with the right balance of proteins, carbohydrates, and the right kinds of fat (such as unsaturated and monounsaturated fats, olive oil, canola oil, pistachios, almonds and walnuts). Heinemann suggests the following ratio: 60%-70% carbohydrates, 10%-15% protein, and a small amount of fat.

•Eat foods higher in calories, vitamins, and minerals, as opposed to higher in fat or sugar.

•Pack more nutritious calories in each serving. For example, you may add grated cooked eggs to mashed potatoes, ground chicken to soups and gravies, cheese in casseroles, eggs, and soups, and nonfat dried milk in soups, shakes, milk, and mashed potatoes.

•If you get too full too fast, try having more high-calorie foods or slices of foods as opposed to consuming the whole thing (raisins versus grapes, granola and Grape Nuts versus corn flakes, mango slices versus the whole mango).

•Limit drinking beverages to a half-hour before and after a meal.

•Drink mixed juices (apple/berry, peach/orange/banana as opposed to one juice beverages) for a higher calorie intake.

•With moderation, you may add in good fat sources to meals such as nuts, avocado, olives, and fatty fish (salmon and mackerel).

•Snack in between meals. Nuts, dried fruits, and yogurt are good options, but it's also important to find nutritious foods that you will enjoy.

•Have a nutritious snack before bedtime, such as a peanut butter sandwich.

Yup, sounds good doesnt it. It's not easy as i thought and sadly for me and my bestfriend(not), Mr oh-so-high-metabolism rate, gaining weight is much harder than losing weight. Sigh, what a life. I can do this!!

2011-03-25T16:26:00.004+08:00

I should start joining IGs in school already. It's time to broaden my circle of friends, meet new different types of people and do fun things. The upcoming FOP shall be the kickstart for this. I've been considering a few types of cca(s) that i want to be involved in.I want to do what i've been longing to do which is expressing myself and showing what i've got infront of an audience. Yeah i might even go against my parents or my own prinsip. We'll see. If the time comes and my passion is till as strong, i'll just go for it. If that doesnt happen, i'll just go for something sporty, something that requires me to put in all the energy that i have. An activity that will totally drain me out because i'd really love to come home feeling beat physically and mentally so that i won't even have the energy to think or care about anything. Who cares, well i don't cause i'm still seventeen and there's so much many more opportunities for me out there. I can't wait for school to open because i want to stop thinking about irrational things that have been haunting me since forever. I'm so sick of staying at home stoning and feeling so down because of stupid, worthless things.
Syahirah you can do better than this.

Note to self: I should smile more

2011-03-22T18:30:00.006+08:00

Hello hi hi hi hi!!

Today makes me the happiestestestest kid in Tampines. I am seriously feeling so fly like a g6, and i really mean it. I thank god for giving me a second chance to live and breathe normally after seeing my finalized result, which determines that........... I DO NOT HAVE TO REPEAT ANY MODULES!!! %$#@#**(&&^^%% My grades are not that fantastic or rather they're nothing close to fantasticism, but i'm so relieved i passed all. I mean seriously? To pass maths is harder than speaking tamil okay? $@@##@@*%$ but fortunately for me, luck is by my side Alhamdulillah. I shall take this as a wake up call; meaning no more slacking or taking my modules for granted. Na-uh. Phobia already. With this, i shall confidently say that i might consider studying everyday starting on day 1 of year 2. Okay naw, just pulling your legs.

YAY ME!! (':

I really can't describe this euphoric feeling in me with words. Pardon me if i sound a bit vulgar in this post with a lil bit $@#@@#% here and there. Have a nice day lovelies!

2011-03-21T15:29:00.003+08:00

Today is monday and i can totally imagine myself gleefully sitting on the green grass patches with sandwiches and flowers on my head singing happy songs and not forgetting my favourite pair of big oversized shades on my face, breathing fresh oxygen coming from the plants with two of my the girls. As predicted, today's plan to botanic gardens was cancelled due to some major problems and honestly it's quite infuriating to have my plans washed down the drain. Or in other words you could say, all my plans;- mainly what to wear and what delicacies should i prepare are all crushed into a million pieces. Oh and how can i forget, having my own proud moment by winning them in a game of monoply deal! I regretted letting my imaginations run wild and picturing all the girly fun we were going to have in my head, because it's just going to make me more baffled. What a let down.

Since my plan for today is to just rot at home, i've just did some useful research for us princesses on how to have shiny hair. So pay attention, girlssssssss!

Rule 1:
Feed your hair with lots of protein! Lean meats, fish, eggs, beans, and low-fat dairy products will help make your hair healthy eating these can increase hair's sheen over time. The slightly great news? All you gotta do is to practice these habits for 6 months and your hair will pratically glow. Sounds magical to you? Ooooh...

Rule 2:
If you babes can't live without hair spray or hair mousse which will eventually cause damages like split ends to your hair, then fret not! The ultimate 'clarifying shampoo' shall be your new bestfriend! This requires you to make you own homemade recipe; all you need to do is to simply add 1 tablespoon of baking soda to 2 tablespoons of your own preferred shampoo. Why so? The baking soda will remove all those unwanted sticky residues from your hair, in a proper, healthier manner! And then you're all good to go!

Rule 3:
Do not take any conditioner shampoo for granted, when infact, they give the greatest help that we ever need! So here's the deal- Use conditioner every time you shampoo!

Rule 4:
When drying your hair after a long warm shower, squeeze it and blot it with a clean hair towel. Don't rub it against each other as this friction will roughs up the cuticles of your hair. To you busy girls out there, try an ultra absorbent hair towel to save time!

Rule 5:
This is the best time to pamper yourself like a real queen. Get yourselves satiny pillowcases. They are not only nice to lie on, but they also reduce the friction from all that tossing and turning that can turn your hair fuzzy. This calls for a shopping trip to Aussino, baby!

There you go, 5 simple(BUT USEFUL!) tips on how to make your crowning glory shine like a star! Try these out and you'll get amazing results you'll never imagine!

Okay, i sound like someone from an advertising company for awhile now. I'm pretty excited myself, i will obey these 5 precious rules for sure!

So don't wait any longer. Start making your way to Shiny Hair Avenue cos rest assured, i'm going to be on my way soon!
You bet! ;o

2011-03-20T20:03:00.002+08:00

Dear god, please forgive me. I'm only human.